Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Pity Party

Lately I've had nothing much to write about and have been awful about keeping up with my post a day promise to myself. I suppose I could write about the exciting day *sarcasm* I had yesterday cleaning fish tanks. Hmmm, fish tanks don't grab your attention? How about the interesting tale of me vacuuming the house? That doesn't interest you either? Well there's always fascinating intrigue surrounding kitchen cleaning...no? Not that either eh?

Well I'm tapped out for now since life has just been wholly blah lately. I need adventure. I wonder what kind of adventure I could mange in the five hours I have before I have to pick up Ben from school...hmmmm not much I'm afraid. This pesky thing called housework and yard work just won't go away. I've not taken any interesting photographs either. I'm bored and boring lately, and probably depressed from lack of exercise. I must force myself to get out and walk around the neighborhood as mundane as that is.

I hate being a "desperate housewife"... it's like being a wounded bird flopping around in a cage with no wings, but for now it's my duty and I'm sure society approves. The rebel in me wants to complain about it heavily though.

When it really comes down to it, things could be way worse. I'm sure there are many women out there who would kill to be in my shoes. I'm sure my dying friend would bitch slap me about now if she could. I guess I really shouldn't complain too much and just shut the fuck up. I apologize world for my bitter post. I have a migraine from hell right now and am still in a crappy mood.


kimberly said...

It's all the change in the air that makes us wonder what to do with ourselves. We have this 'free' time to do with what we please but what is that exactly? what will make us happy? I'm kinda in the same situation, although not the same.
Maybe taking on some new roles would help. I decided to take on being the volunteer Box Tops for Education coordinator at Addy's school. I feel as though I'm doing something of value albeit not much but I'm trying. I'm liking it so far. Whadya think?

Joe said...

I empathise with the migraine from hell, I get them often enough to sour my week. Take care of yourself.

Ginny said...

I'm fairly certain that the only cure is nature. Once the weather cools off I'm going to get Ben out camping. Any fellow moms want to join me? Trina, you are a fellow adventurer...how 'bout it? We could car camp...

I know it won't allow us to do much hiking and adventuring, but it beats sitting at home on the weekends doing house work.

Atheist in a mini van. said...

I hate to sound all "Stepford Wife" on you, but I actually -occasionally- enjoy doing the mundane chores of being wife and mother. Yeah. There's definitely no glory and it's work that a monkey could do, but someone has to do it. DH and I split up chores so that neither of us gets the same chore again-and-again. Strangely though, it really doesn't depress me to do housework. It's not fun. But, it's not horrible. I kind of look at it this way - it makes my family run smoother if we're clean and organized and that gives us more time to do other things. But... I know not everyone likes the job description that comes with traditional stay-at-home-motherhood. I also have to look at it as part of parenting (not submissive wife stuff) - I have to teach my daughters AND sons to do laundry for themselves or load a dishwasher or set a table. My job is to prepare my kids for life - I want their spouses to like them. LOL Maybe you could get Ben involved in some simple chores? Might take the drudgery out of it... it might make him feel good, too. :)
Grace and I race to roll socks. It's not glamorous. It's not mountain climbing and Class V rapids, but it makes her laugh...which makes me happy.

I agree with what Kimberly said above: you COULD get involved with Ben's school and meet some new friends and have fun. You'd be a great class photographer or memory keeper (scrapbooking)!! Or, you could put together some art projects and help the teacher out? Of course,... you do have to watch out for the sneaky PTA moms who love to gossip...but, imagine the possibilities. ;)

Hang in there, girl.

Ginny said...

AIAMV, it's not that I mind doing housework...that's not it at all...I'm having a difficult time finding the balance I need. I went from having quite a bit of time(before Russell's masters program)to having very little time. But regardless, finding balance has always been a matter of difficulty for me for some reason. I actually enjoy having a clean well organized house and don't mind working hard to achieve it.

To give better perspective consider this. I play a heavy role in this family. I'm the only one that does ALL the housework in this big house, save whatever small chores Ben has(five year olds aren't always very effective). I'm also responsible for all of the house maintenance...again a big house means a lot of maintenance. But it's also a big undertaking because it's getting older and wasn't very well built to begin with, so things are wearing out left and right.

I support a husband who is in school which entails way more than the outsider could possibly know unless they are doing it too,(I'm sure Kimberly will understand where I'm coming from). I take care of a very energetic and intelligent five year old which is time consuming and tiring in its own right, I run all the errands(there are many), take care of the car maintenance and repairs(our cars are old and breaking a lot), do the yard work, feed everyone, and so on.

By the time the weekend comes, I'm very burned out and deserve time away but can't have it right now because my family needs me. This is still very much a man's world btw which is a whole new can of worms I could go on and on about but don't have the energy to go into...

I don't think I'm being unusually selfish by wanting to get away and reconnect with the things that keep me sane. I feel like it's what I as an individual NEED to function well as a human, wife, and mother. Thank goodness I have the ability to do some art here and there, and a little blogging now and then, or I'd really go nuts! I'm a highly creative person and need that outlet as well.

I want to go on a walk this morning but I may not actually get to it. I'm still debating in my mind if I can drop other things today to do so. As it is I'm spending way too much time writing all this...

But truth be told I must get exercise for my physical and mental well being. I'm gaining weight again and panicking about it. I can't allow myself to get out of shape because then I'll be no good to anyone if I'm sick, physically unable to function well, or worse a total mental case due to depression. My body was getting accustomed to a higher level of activity and I went from having it to not having it. Not a good thing.

As far as Ben's school goes, you'll never find me being a part of the PTA...no way in hell...that would be like fitting a square peg in a round hole. But, I do contribute in other ways. I donate things to his classroom all the time that his teacher wants and is very thankful to get. I also bring things for his classroom to observe such as butterfly cocoons, etc.... and have offered my services for memory books, art projects, volunteering for stuff and so on.

The bottom line is I'm stretched thin, getting overwhelmed, and floundering around trying to strike a balance. I think I'm entitled to stomp my feet and bitch about it once in a while.

Not to mention not all of us are supermom/superwoman like you Chris. I'm not trying to be mean but Jesus you make us all look bad. You are in bad health yet you still manage above and beyond what most people can do who have their health.

Ok, I'm done with my public tantrum...going on that walk now...responsibilities be damned...I have to clear my head and think.

Poodles said...

Everybody needs a break once in a while. I give you credit, I wouldn't have it in me to be a house person.

If you aren't feeling good everyone else will know it and feel miserable too. It is important to put yourself first sometimes so that you can do the things in life you need to do.

trina corina said...

I am so with you here. I have been floundering in my role as wife and mother for years now! I ADORE being a SAHM, and I ADORE my children and I can't imagine doing anything else with my life right now, especially since I have commited to homeschooling now. I am humbled that my husband is willing to go out and work his ass off in order to allow me to be a housewife. BUT, there are those times, and they are more frequent these days, that I am just done! I have hardly any time for myself. My hubby gets a free pass to have band practice 2 nights a week, from 9 until whenever, so yes he works hard, but he also gets his creative and social fix for the week. He is also traveling more, this allows him some time (not alot) but some time to explore parts of the country I have never been and we can't afford to go to. So he works, he travels and he gets an outlet for his creativity and his sanity.

Granted, he has never told me that I can't have such a thing, HOWEVER, it has been very hard for me to commit to it. I feel obligated since he is gone 2 nights a week to stay home so we can "family time", that shit's important. So I find myself putting myself last... like always. So I totally understand your need to be selfish, I NEED to learn to be more selfish. Over the years the concept of "me" as an individual has steadily declined. I am the "me" with a 5 y.o. and a baby on my hip. "Me" is synonamous with "we" at this time. Like you, I have been looking for this balance for years. It's not the work, not the chores, not the schooling, not the diapers, it's just the feeling that I am losing touch of the oh so important, creative, funny person that I used to be. So do I wish I wasn't a SAHM, hell no, do I wish I could find more of a balance, hell yes! Right now the scales are 98% Mommy, 2% me, I'd be happy with 80% Mommy, 20% ME. If I happen to have the major epiphany that accomplishes that anytime soon, I'll pass it along!

Anyway, just wanted you to know that I hear you and I totally understand. You know that you can bitch to me ANYTIME!!! I hope your walk makes you feel better. What say you and me do a movie or some coffee soon?

trina corina said...

In addendum to my previous post... see you got me thinkin'! I wonder if housewives in our grandmother's time had these issues. Being a wife and mother was what they were supposed to be. It was their goal in life. Many went directly from school to marriage, to children, no job, no other prospects, just that sense of wanting to start a family like they were expected to do.

Now we are expected to go out, earn a living, be individuals for awhile BEFORE getting married and starting families. So we get to taste that freedom and explore our individuality so much more these days. Then if we are able to stay at home, we are to put all that individuality and creativity behind us, or at least pen it up for the most part. Which is hard as hell!

Not only that, but for all intense purposes in this day and age, being a SAHM is a "luxury", so we are not allowed to bitch about it because we are so lucky to be in this position. I get this from my single, working friends all the time. "You have the ideal life!" "Your life is so cake now that you don't have to deal with the business world, or commute or blah, blah, blah!" Whatever... their world looks like cake to me. They get to get up and shower alone, take time to eat and enjoy breakfast and coffee without a demanding baby throwing her peanut butter toast all over the floor, they get to go to work and socialize with people, feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day, come home, relax, get ready to go out with friends for happy hour, stay up late, fuck anytime without worrying about kids walking in!" Shit... that's what I call cake!

Atheist in a mini van. said...

I think people in previous generations (our grandmothers, let's say) WERE primed to have two duties - wife and mother. Unlike today, if they didn't want either of those, they were "misfits". I don't think there's ANYTHING wrong with wanting time for yourself. That wasn't my point at all. Just that, in a similar vein as this point (about our grandmothers), I sometimes wonder if we've been led down the primrose path for "having it all"? Maybe I didn't have very lofty expectations, but I kind of figured that when I grew up and had a family, something else would have to give. And, more likely than not, it was going to be my sacrifice to make (since *I* chose to be the one to stay-at-home). Mike would've happily done it, too. But, we realized that his career would leave us more flexibility than mine would've. *sigh* I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's okay to feel depressed or bored or down. That's natural. Just try to find a way to shine some positive light on the situation.
I'm not trying to be supermom or hold anyone to my standard (whatever that is). I'm just trying to say, "ok. You're depressed. What is in your power to change? What can you do about it?" Very rarely is the answer "nothing".

And, Ginny...I have been on both ends of graduate (and post-grad) education. Neither side is fun. It will suck the marrow and joy out of life if you let it.

Have you thought about getting a membership at a rock climbing place? I know you don't think the local trails are strenuous enough, but maybe that would add some dimension to your exercise. It's really zen-like when you're climbing...all of your mental and physical capacities are re-directed and you really do forget about life's problems. *hugs*

Ginny said...

As a matter of fact yes! I have thought of joining a local rock climbing group. There is one specifically I have in mind...I've just not taken time out to make it happen.

Thanks all for your input. I went on a nice walk today and did a lot of reflection. I still have much to reflect upon but it's a start. Pity Party over...I'll write about my walk later.

Lynn Kinsey at 9 yrs said...

May I just add something here? I want to bring up how today is much MUCH different from the time of our grandmothers. Many had cooks and maids! But even those that didn't, and even further back, women were in a different role entirely. Yes they were housewives and mothers, but they also didn't have cell phones, computers, all the finances to do etc. They also didn't have to battle a Super Walmart stress, or endure traffic like we do where we have to take three kids screaming into a store to get something. They made their own clothes and expectations were so much different in the generalized other. They listened to wholesome radio shows and had TIME. They had so much time on their hands compared to the women of today. No they didn't have to try and keep up with well check visits and vaccination schedules for every child. No they didn't have soccer practice, ballet, piano, museum school, the Cosmosphere. No they didn't have fast food because they had time to cook homemade meals. No they didn't worry about the 401k, and if their insurance was going to cover their illnesses. Yes, women have been put into a mold of being the "superwoman" these days, and I think that is ridiculous. If a woman stays at home with her children it is how it should be, and Ginny I commend you doing that, but I also think we should all take a look at how much more is involved in raising children, and sometimes husbands, today. Women are taken for granted, and it is sad in my opinion that to some women reaching the goal of self-esteem in their life is to them the end. Until we all reach a level of self-actualization and really truly know ourselves and get to the point of being able to fulfill our own needs, are we not whole. This isn't bitching, this is reality. I think a woman who has gotten to a point of reaching self-actualization is light years ahead of the crowd. Many men do not realize that times have changed. They want women to do it all, be it all and are quite happy being lazy around the house and letting the wife pay all of the bills. And having interests? What for they wonder? They have a home to take care of. Bahhh. Be strong Ginny:-) Don't ever let anyone make you feel less if you want to have a life of your own in addition to your family life. Love you!